If you didn’t know by now, I had my sweet baby fluff, MacGyver put to sleep on Thursday afternoon.

Her last afternoon at my apartment

I know its been almost a week now, but I’m realizing that I didn’t actually post here and put out the news and some people are out there still wondering. I told a few people on the phone, posted a twitter update, and posted a few lines at connick.com, but I just didn’t feel like writing it out. As though writing it here made it more real or something. *shrug*

It was her time and she went quickly and quietly while I held her in my arms. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I sat and sobbed and sobbed in the room at the vet. Then I drove her to Bussey one last time where my mom helped me bury her in our back yard, next to my other beloved pets that went before: Luv, Sunshine, Blizzard, Scamper, and Flutter (my parakeet, we buried him in a checkbox). My mom was such a great support through it all. She’d already dug the hole. That’s a good mom.

I then drove back to my place and just sat. I pretty much just sat around for the next four days. Had lunch with the Steele’s and Heather on Friday and that was good. But all I wanted to do was sit and knit and watch ‘The X-Files.’ I don’t know why I found that soothing, but I did. Actually, I still am.

Its actually harder to leave my apartment than to be in it because coming home to the place being empty is the worst part. I instinctively look for her the minute I get home, because that’s what I’ve done for the last eight years. Once I’m home and am over her not being there, I’m mostly ok.

I’m still sleeping on my side of my bed. I got the bigger bed like five or six years ago, but I’ve always just slept on the right side because the left side is Mac’s. I realized two nights ago that I’m still just sleeping on that side of the bed. I know I should move towards the middle, but I’m not there yet.

I realize that I’m lucky to have had her as long as I did, she didn’t quite make it to 20, but she was very close. And lucky that she was pretty darn healthy up until only about 6 months ago. I have so many great memories of her, all the way back to the day I picked her out of the box of kittens in Jackie and Don Vanderhorst’s garage in 1988.

Thanks to everyone for all the kind words and phone calls, cards, emails, etc. They mean more than you’ll ever know.

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