I’d rather be home enjoying this view:

That is Starbuck under my desk reveling in the warmth from the kitty heating pad.

Though it would’ve been better if I hadn’t learned this by driving into the parking lot and finding no one else there. No one but some random guy from Illinois looking to talk to someone about an issue he had with something. The hell? It was obvious that no one was at the company. If he had called the main number (which surely he would’ve found when he found the address to our headquarters??), he would’ve known we were closed. He wanted my name and phone number so he could talk to me about the issue tomorrow. I was nice to the guy (as we were standing in the wind and the sleet), but that’s not my dept. We have an entire dept of people who can answer the questions/concerns this guy had. I gave him the main phone number and told him where he could find the info he wanted on our website. He seemed happy to have talked to a real person and I went home.

I watched the TV scrolls this morning, never thinking ACT would be listed, and it wasn’t. Apparently I had to call in or check the TV channel websites to learn this information. I just didn’t think they’d close work. Its very wet out now, not icy yet, though I get that it could become icy. Oh well. Free day off. Though I did nearly just stay and do stuff since I was already there. But the cafeteria wouldn’t have been open, and I hadn’t brought my lunch…

Work is still all-consuming. I don’t mind it that much really because I’m learning new things and finally getting to do things I’ve wanted to do for years. It just sucks that I’ve got to cram what looks like about a year’s worth of work into about two months. My to-do list, reduced to only the really essential things, is still more than a page of notebook paper long. I have another list entitled Things for My Clone To Do hanging on my wall where I write down all the tasks that seem like pipe-dreams at the moment. The scary thing is that a lot of those tasks don’t look all that frivolous and really should be gotten to soon.

Pretty much all I do these days is come to work, then go home and watch TV because I don’t think about anything outside the TV show when I watch whatever it is. I haven’t even been reading much in the last few weeks because every time I sit down to read my mind wanders away into SELECT and if...else statements. Its sad. I actually think about code in the shower and while I’m driving. I’ve really crossed a geek line somewhere along the road. I was doing so good with my reading too, but I’ve had two books I’ve been working on for several weeks now.

I have seen a couple of movies in the theater as of late. Saw The Bourne Ultimatum twice. Loved it. Though if hand-held camera work bothers you at all, I’d steer clear. Apparently some people get nauseous. But it didn’t bother me. I think I’m too caught up in trying to figure out how they film the crazy action sequences without killing everyone involved. Possibly my favorite movie of the summer, though this summer did actually didn’t disappoint. I saw The Invasion with Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig last weekend. It got bad reviews and didn’t do well at the box-office, but I just saw it to see Daniel Craig. He’s my current movie boyfriend. The movie was fine. It wasn’t amazing, but it definitely doesn’t suck. I was creeped out sufficiently for my matinée movie price.

As for TV, the summer shows I’ve been following are Top Chef, The 4400, Eureka, and Damages. I really really love Top Chef! (Go CJ!) How have I not been watching this show the last two years? Its so engaging to watch all the chefs battle it out, and they’re all pretty civil and professional, which is nice. Just enough drama thrown into make it a Bravo show. The 4400 and Eureka both fill my need for sci-fi and smart geekiness. Neither are top-level shows, but they’re lovely summer diversions. We need breaks from the intensity of Lost and 24 sometimes. Damages is providing more than enough intensity to make up for the other shows. Its kind of like Law & Order meets Alias. Glenn Close is deliciously sinister. Not sure how much of a future it will have beyond this summer season, but I’m engaged enough to finish this first season. I’ve also started watching No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain: travel, food, and sarcasm? Where has this show been all my life?

Oh oh oh! How could I forget Feasting on Asphalt with Alton Brown?! This is probably the summer show I love the most. I was recounting parts of episodes to my mom last weekend. Alton (of ‘Good Eats’ and Food Network fame) travels with his crew on motorcycles looking for classic American road food, like diners, food stands, fish fries, etc. Last year they went east to west kind of along Route 66. This time out they’re going up the Mississippi river, starting, of course, in New Orleans.

[and I completely lost my train of thought as our office's very own Milton is currently singing loudly in his cube: Doo Doo DOOOO! Doo Doo DOOOOO! He's so very strange. ]

So yeah. TV. Lots of TV. I’ve also gotten completely sucked into House this summer. I’ll have watched the whole series (seasons 1-3) by next week. I love TV on DVD.

That’s better. My head doesn’t hurt nearly as much. Apparently it was just bursting with some random ramblings that needed to get out. I need to get home and do some basic cleaning in my apartment. Things are being neglected. And I’ve finally given up hope that my cat might actually vacuum something while I was gone. Lazy cat.

mmmMMMmmm…. chocolate chips.

Where was I? Oh yes, I was being productive. No really, I am. But I am not a machine and I needed a few moments break from thinking of SELECT site_names FROM locations statements. I hopped on the tubes and ended up reading one of John Mayer’s Esquire magazine columns from February. Entitled “Music Lessons with John Mayer”, it is about B.B. King on the occasion of his 80th birthday. The end of the short column reads thusly:

But legends are legends for damn good reason, even if they eventually help sell soda and lottery tickets. Ray Charles was taken for granted much the way B. B. King is now. But if Ray were to have one more night on this earth to play a two-hour set, we would all pay big money to pack the largest stadium and stand rapt with attention for the entire evening.

Ray’s gone, but B. B. King’s still here. He’s playing your town any day now. Go see him.

I know Jerry & Sara got to see Ray Charles somewhere in Iowa a year or two before he died and I’ve always regretted not seeing him when I had the chance. I then remembered that recently Hancher had announced some late additions to their 2007-2008 season and upon checking the website I saw that B.B. King was one those additions. So I listened to John and bought a ticket for the show in February.

Now I must get back to being productive, bolstered by the happiness of the prospect of live music, no matter how far off it is.

But its killing me to miss them. Its been killing me that I missed any of the Midwest shows they’ve been playing these past two weeks. I only went to four shows. I feel so unsupportive. Ok, not really. But you know me, concerts are an addiction and to know a fix is just a few states over makes me twitchy.

I’m consoling myself by thinking that after I get the crazy crap I have to do at work done in the next month or two and that by the time they come back my way, I’ll be able to ditch out of work for a week at a time to hit the road and be a proper friend of the band.

Work is work. I’m actually doing cool new stuff and its not a pain to come in or even stay late most days. We’ll see how I feel about it in another three months or so.

I guess this post doesn’t have much of a point other than me convincing myself I’ve seen my boys enough for these past two weeks. Though I’m really just lying to myself because I can never see them enough. I’m coming down off a lot of pop-culture too. Finishing reading all seven Harry Potter books in the last three months and watching all five Harry Potter movies in less than three days. I’ve also consumed the first two seasons of House on dvd in the past couple of weeks and now I have to wait until mid-August for the third season to be available. I need my House fix! I’m out of sorts… but then again, I could go see The Simpsons Movie at midnight…

Ok, the phone call I’m waiting for isn’t going to happen tonight.

Me and my random ramblings are out.

A history of indie rock icons: Mass Email

Hailing from an abandoned laundromat in New Orleans, Mass Email broke into the indie rock scene in 2001 with their debut album, What Are You Doing for Fun this Weekend?. The band’s latest album, What Color Do You Bleed?, hijacks Charlie P’s insightful vocal narratives with intelligent instrumentals to assemble some seriously inspired crowd pleasers. With standout tracks like “Trickery! Trickery! Trickery!,” look for Mass Email to be a major force in the indie rock landscape for years to come.

What kind of musical inspiration can spring forth from your desk sight line?

Anyway, what I’m rambling on about is, I went home over lunch and when I went out to the parking lot someone had parked their mini-van in the entrance into that parking lot. So what is normally a two-car lane, is now only one car. At first, I thought someone was in the van waiting for someone to come out, but upon further approach, I realized this was not the case. Apparently whoever that vehicle belongs to couldn’t find a spot close enough for their wants and obviously couldn’t be bothered to park in the farther away lot that always has spots. So they just parked right where everyone drives. I was gone for my lunch hour and when I came back the van was still there! JERK!

Don’t even get me started about the parking at my gym…

My corner of the building is apparently the warmest of all, naturally. I walked down to the bathroom and the temperature steadily drops to normal levels the farther away one gets from my end. Unfortunately, I can’t work in the bathroom. (Though some people seem to think its a great place to hang out and swap stories about their kids. Shut up people.) It has to be at least 75 degrees in here and I’m wearing a sweater. *drips*

Building maintenance has been alerted and they said it would start getting cooler over an hour ago, but so far, its not.

Stupid building with floor to ceiling windows that you can’t open.

Then yesterday rolled around… and the problem with the costs (expensive flights, hotel by myself, etc) basically went out the window as flights dropped by at least a hundred dollars and there’s a group of people going now and the hotel would’ve been like $80 for four nights. I took a long hard look at my financial situation and decided I was willing to sacrifice doing anything at all for the entire fall in order to go to NOLA next week. And on top of all of that, the group is set up to work for two days with the AWK, which is the one thing I really regretted not getting to do when I went for Mardi Gras. Everything around here has just been so depressing lately, I’ve been working so much for what feels like no reason at all, and on and on and I just really need a few days to go and have some fun and do some work that felt like it had purpose behind it.

I knew it was short notice to get vacation time from work, technically we’re supposed to ask for vacation a month in advance, but I’ve actually done shorter notice before with no problem. So about 12:30pm yesterday I was flying high thinking “I’m going to New Orleans!” Well, I’m sure you have figured out by now where this is going…

My boss said, “no.”

Two of my co-workers had already asked for Friday off and my boss has to leave early on that Friday and so I have to be here to cover for everyone because apparently just our designers aren’t enough. I was crushed. I am crushed. I’m pissed and bitter and disappointed. I’ve only taken a day and a half of vacation since I got back from Mardi Gras at the beginning of March. I’ve been working overtime, I’m trying to be a better employee after being told with my current attitude I’m “unpromotable at any company”, and it all feels even more pointless than before. I’m constantly trying to reason with myself and tell myself its my own fault, I knew the rules of vacation time requesting, I should’ve just requested the time earlier if I’d thought I was supposed to go. Or how about, “how dare I think that my time or destination is anymore valuable or important” than whatever my co-workers are going to take their time and do. Or I “should be happy to just have a job.” Or then there’s the “it just wasn’t meant to be” crap. I know all the logical or platitude-scented thoughts to have.

I thought I’d be over it after a night’s sleep, but instead I dreamed about packing to go, considering the new airline restrictions… seriously… my brain. I think it stings more that I was told I couldn’t do something than just me making the decision to not go. Yes, I know I should just move on and focus on the next thing… but I just wanted to do this so badly. It didn’t help that all this happened yesterday as I’m trying to tell people, “remember New Orleans… do what you can to help” and my chance to really go help was taken away from me. Again, I know “there will be other chances to help” and all that.

I know all this stuff and I know how I should feel and how I should pray about it and cope, but the truth is, I’m just bitterly disappointed. I can’t stop crying. I don’t even want to look at my co-workers or talk to anyone. I just want everyone to leave me alone.

Completely unsatisfied with my previous pancake experience and after working all Sunday morning, I was starving and decided I’d go out for pancakes for lunch. Being in my solitary confinement at work, I forgot that this was the beginning of the return of the students of capistrano and coupled with the usual post-church Sunday crowd, would make an attempt to go to Village Inn a completely insane move. Initially I forged on and put my name in, but as I sat there all alone for fifteen minutes, I felt totally selfish and ridiculous to take up a table all by myself at this incredibly busy restaurant just for some pancakes. So I left and cried in the parking lot, then I got an Arby’s roast beef sandwich at the drive-thru and went back to work.

Yesterday, I perused the week’s lunch menu for our work cafeteria and what did I see on the menu for Tuesday? Breakfast in the Afternoon YES! Finally, breakfast for lunch makes its reappearance. I was so excited. I emailed friends and co-workers. I was very excited. Really sad I know. Yesterday afternoon was extra crappy for me at work so I was clinging to whatever I could. When I woke up this morning I was honestly excited about lunch. Seriously, that’s the headspace I’m in right now: the highlight of my day is the prospect of pancakes.

Alas, a prospect is all they were meant to remain. Yesterday was promotion and “cost of living increase” day at work, which despite being the later for me, was a blow to me regarding the former. In celebration of some of my co-workers being promoted, despite my impression that promotion within my dept. was not possible because of the org-chart structure, my boss decided it would be nice if we all took our lunch hour and went downtown to the ped mall and just ate randomly from the various lunch carts instead of staying at work. Of course all my co-workers were down with this. Except me and I pointed that out in a semi-humorous-mask-my-pain way. Again, I sit at my desk and cry because all I wanted was pancakes for lunch and I can’t even have them.

I guess I’ll get the sweet potato fries from Donnelly’s to fill the void.